高中英语课外辅导：学生英语实作评析

【写作要求】 　　假如你叫王方，乘出租车时丢了手提箱。在失物招领处，工作人员要求你用英文写一份书面材料。
　　内容要点：1. 上午11点钟到达机场，然后带着5件行李乘一辆黄色出租车到假日酒店(Holiday Inn)；2. 到达酒店后，发现由于粗心将手提箱遗失在出租车上。不幸的是，未注意到出租车的车牌号；3. 手提箱是黑色的，由塑料制成，尺寸大约为60cm×40cm×16cm；4. 箱内有一台摄像机、两条长裤、三件衬衫、几本儿童读物以及一个钱包。钱包内有一张2,000美元的支票；5. 你的联系电话是：0435—3940526。
　　注意：1. 词数100左右；2. 文章的开头已为你写好。
　　My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am...
　　【学生实作】
　　My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am. Then I took a yellow taxi to the Holiday Inn with five luggages. When I arrived at the Holiday Inn, I found my suitcase had been left in the taxi because of my carelessness. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the taxi's licence.
　　The suitcase is black and made of plastic. It is about 60 centimetre by 40 centimetre by 16 centimetre. In it, there is a camera, two pairs of trousers, three pieces of shirts, several books for children and a purse. In the purse, there is a check of 2,000 dollars.
　　Could the finder make relation with me? My telephone number is 0435—3940526.
　　Thank you.
　　Wang Fang
　　【评析】
　　1. 第一段第3句：luggage为不可数名词，five luggages表达不正确，可改为five pieces of luggage。
　　2. 第一段第5句：licence意为“执照”，不是“牌照”，故the taxi's licence可改为the number of the taxi。
　　3. 第二段第2句：表示度量单位的centimetre为可数名词，应把三个 centimetre都改为centimetres。
　　4. 第二段第3句：In it过于简短，不必在其后停顿，其后逗号应去掉。
　　5. 第二段第3句：shirt是可数名词， three pieces of shirts表达不正确，应改为three shirts。
　　6. 第二段第4句：表示价值时，通常用介词for，故of最好改为for。
　　7.第三段第1句：make relation with me表达不正确。习作者想表达“与我取得联系”，可改为get in touch with me或return the suitcase to me。
　　【总评】
　　优点：
　　1. 写出了题目提示的全部内容要点。
　　2. 语句表达通顺、连贯。
　　3. 句子的语法结构正确。
　　不足：
　　1. 有一处汉式英语。
　　2. 有几处语言不规范。
　　【修改之后】
　　My name is Wang Fang. I arrived at the airport at 11 am. Then I took a yellow taxi to the Holiday Inn with five pieces of luggage. When I arrived at the Holiday Inn, I found my suitcase had been left in the taxi because of my carelessness. Unfortunately, I didn't notice the number of the taxi.
　　The suitcase is black and made of plastic. It is about 60 centimetres by 40 centimetres by 16 centimetres. In it there is a camera, two pairs of trousers, three shirts, several books for children and a purse. In the purse, there is a check for 2,000 dollars.
　　Could the finder get in touch with me? My telephone number is 0435—3940526.
　　Thank you.
　　Wang Fang